I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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