Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
