Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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