Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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