I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
