Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
