Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Randomize
