Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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