like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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