Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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