And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
