I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
