I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
