I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
