I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
