I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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