you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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