im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
