whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
