Your dad touched me again.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
