I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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