I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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