I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
