Have you finally orgasmed yet?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
