There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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