$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
