we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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