My friends, they love my intelligence
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
