Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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