when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
