His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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