hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
