all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
