I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize