Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
