u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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