i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
