and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
