the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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