How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
