The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
