Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Someone came in the potted fern
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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