i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
