I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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