party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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