So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
