You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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