This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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