yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
