Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
