Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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