I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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