kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
