apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
