i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
