What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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