it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
