ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
