He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
