Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
