i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Randomize
