Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
