we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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