ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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