Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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