i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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