but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
