Sry I called you an 8
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Less talking, more tequila
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
