He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize