He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
