I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize