Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
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