I'm pants shitting drunk right now
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
