YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
