Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
