office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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